The comeback is always greater than the setback
Hi! It’s been a while…and by while I mean 6 long months. What was supposed to be a couple weeks off Instagram, ended up becoming half a year away to provide me with time to self-reflect.
The last few months have been CRAZY.
Truly, they’ve been full of transformation. For full transparency, I was unsure if I was going to actually come back to blogging. I toyed with the idea of stopping altogether and moving on with my life. But, at the end of the day Smile Darling fills me. I have never felt a passion or purpose like I do when I am here with all of you. Stripping back the layers and sharing my thoughts out loud has become second nature.
This reset has allowed me to re-examine my life, my wants, and my needs. I am grateful I gave myself this period of discovery.
I have to say, there’s something liberating about going through dark times. When it first hits, it’s all-consuming and you can’t see a way out. It’s almost as if you’re trapped in your own mind. You’re suffocating in this space you can’t escape. It’s lonely.
Once you are out of it, however, you develop this strength you never knew you had before. Your soul feels rejuvenated. You feel lighter like this tremendous weight has been lifted.
The past 6 months have been full of reflection. It has been emotional. The level I took things to with self-discovery was absolutely needed. With therapy, I have been able to deal with past traumas that I was unaware still had an effect on me. I had a lot of wounds that needed healing… and still do.
I have done a lot of exposure therapy as well. I did a few sessions with a health coach. I even went to an energy reading and Reiki healing. With therapy, I have learned when you revisit the past and what triggers you, you are able to learn how to accept those circumstances. Dealing with the pain of your past is never easy. But, when you face it head-on you develop and evolve in ways you never could’ve imagined.
Therapy has also allowed me to reflect on why I am the way I am. It has made me realize that I do still suffer from an eating disorder. It has made me notice my anxiety may be greater than I had let on. It has made me question who Courtney Fabiano is. It has made me face my fears and internal turmoil. I have cried. I have prayed I could be “normal”. I have picked myself off the floor more times than I can count.
However, when you make it through the darkness the renewal gives you this beautiful strength. It’s powerful. This liberation I now feel has been years in the making. I feel a sense of freedom from my own mind. I have put in the work and will continue to do so.
I can’t wait to share this awakening in me with all of you! You’ve loved me unconditionally. You have always seen something in me that took my own self too long to see.
Big things are achieved not all at once but one day at a time.
I’ve learned I can’t control how other people respond or react. I can’t control what other people think. Worrying if people like me or not really doesn’t do me any good. This worry and anxiety were affecting my ability to blog. I constantly felt like an “imposter”, and as if I wasn’t good enough. I was submerged in this pressure. I would stress about the algorithm, working with brands, “likes”, and engagement. I was essentially conducing myself down to an actual number.
Yet, the number of followers, “likes” on a photo, or views on stories doesn’t dictate who I am. I have learned I don’t need to feel inferior to my peers and fellow blogger friends. No longer do I feel this pressure to keep up. Comparison will eat you alive. No longer will I allow myself to feel insignificant. I will no longer question if I have failed.
With Smile Darling, I always wanted to stay true to myself. I wanted to help people. I wanted to share my honest thoughts, opinions, and reviews regardless of what brands might think. I wanted to work with small businesses. All these things I will continue to do. I still stand by the mission statement I made back in March 2018.
Finally, a message to all of you: Thank you for choosing to still be a part of this journey with me. Your messages and check-ins truly made all the difference. You keep me going. Without you, Smile Darling Blog would merely be a dream. You have allowed me to share this virtual diary. You have allowed me to have an impact I never could have imagined.
They say, “if you can do it for joy, you can do it forever”. Join me on this new chapter, and let’s see if they’re right.
xx Courtney